when your intentions are being doubted

today could easily be recorded as one of the saddest moment of my life
my inferiority in knowledge has caused me humiliation.
Being said that i do not have a heart for the patient that i was treating was too much. The fact that he has to throw it to my face that my acts could have caused the patient's life made it even sore.

I could break down at that moment. I felt my heart being sliced releasing tears pumped inside. I couldn't hold it up any longer when he asked me" are you about to cry"
I said "no"
" i am sick" was my reply. which was pretty much the fact.

this made me doubt , why have i sacrificed my seeping time , my rest, the fatigue, the effort and the sore throat and flu that comes together in this combo package; when my intentions are being doubted.

Doubt my intelligence. Blame my stupidity. Blame my careless.
But do not doubt my sincerity.

It hurts.
It is so painful.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

the journey



just finished watching a movie, a mandarin movie without subtitles & falling in love with it. A tough one.

Taipei Exchange

been quite some time since a movie able to struck me and as able to flow with my thoughts. I'm not gonna tell or narrate bout this story cos i felt this movie brings people who dreams and plans through a journey, that it should worth exploring by himself/herself. Thus, should experience it..

It makes me think (again) of dreams and choices.
what should be done
what was wished to be done
.
.
.
.
now i feel like wanna go to taipei

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

knock knock

so i have been reminded by a friend that i have been left out on dropping some points in this blog for quite sometime.

i was asked on how have i "celebrated " my birthday. It did rang a bell that i have written bout the third of March the year before; why not this year?

it was followed by my opinion on birthdays. Honestly, i haven't really thought about that till that question was sprung to me.

"Erm, could be said so. Birthday,to me, not to say it is something huge yet not pointless. Just felt that it is the day remind someone that he/she is of a significance to himself and probably others who are important to him. It's like a shout out "hello, I'm here"

Those were my response.

it traits a string questions to myself of what am I doing here- here , as in this place, this time.
People have always said -Live the moment
and yes, people have also said- plan your future.
Believe me, it sounded as crazy and as stupid as I am, these two contradicting questions haven't made my lousy life any easier.

My new year resolutions were the part of "plan your future"
My wish of going into diving, wanna go for LASIK ( no shame, am I? LOL) were the part of me who wants to "live the moment'
dilemma dilemma dilemma.
you consider money and time, people and place, this and that, blah blah blah.
in the end, i never come into a conclusion; that's probably why im a screwed up single man in his mid twenties reaching 30s 4 year down the road with no career nor property enhancements. then, i'd say to myself, hey, live the moment! yes, its a cycle again for me; chasing my own tail- a dumb ass.

i may sound as lame it is; the recent natural disasters do knock my head a little; but NOT enough to help me choose the way i wanna live my life.
as the old wise poem says:" two roads diverge in a yellow road"
yet, i haven;t picked mine. i don't know when im gonna pick one.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

new year resolutions

i never make new year resolutions, cos i do not trust in making them..well i used to.
decided to make some this year. i've been aimless for too long, need something ahead to remind me what i need to do

so here i go:
1. be wiser, be more brave in making decisions. I don't wanna be the"whatever" guy anymore.
2. to complete this HO ship and decide what i want to do next.
3. to get a diving license
4. to do more volunteer works.
5. be able to control my tamper
6. be love back people who loves me

crossing fingers!

Sunday, January 2, 2011