First entry after starting work

I'm at Hospital Teluk Intan.
I'm at Surgery Department.
Its been pretty much for me to handle ever since I've started work..
there were ups and downs definitely; but the fatigue that arise from the mental stress is much more than the physical burden despite working from before seven until ten everyday; Saturdays and Sundays included.Missing lunch / dinner has became a norm and you wouldn't know what would name the bread or biscuits that you consume for the day - it's not even brunch, lunch nor dinner... whatever.

There were times when I start to question myself of why am I working like sh*t and being treated like one. There were too much politics in work and before knowing it, sometimes one may easily become the scapegoat.
Just to draw the picture:

we were doing rounds a day.
I'm the houseman jotting down points.
there's Medical Officer (MO) 1 & MO 2 (the more senior one) .

MO1 : write "continue medications"
MO2 (shouting): who asked you to write that??!!! Cancel that!

tell me what am I supposed to do? Say that it was MO 1's order?? I just kept silent.

MO2 : Are you writing using your hand?

me : Yes

MO2 : My legs can write better than you.

this was almost the mildest me and my colleagues could face in our life...
I can't blame them for scolding me for being a dumb ass, cos I know I'm pretty much a real dumb ass. But I just couldn't stand it when they scolded me for some stupid shit that wasn't really my fault. To think back, I gotta thank my seniors for having trained me during the orientation; so that I know i can stand those stuff; and brush it off. LOLS.There are stuff in life we can't choose anyway.

well, the up side was when i knew that I am doing something for my patients.
There was once a patient collapsed in the ward, I intubated the patient; but sadly he didn't make it. It wasn't something to be proud of , but having known that I tried my best to do what I can, I could sleep better; and that's what that drives me to wake up at 6 everyday.

This posting I'm in is one of the "mildest" that we could have.
I'm not sure if I'm that strong to brave on.. I hope I do.

Saturday, July 11, 2009