How to

I've seen birth, seen death.
I've witnessed optimism, witnessed pessimism.

It all goes down to how one perceives each event that befalls him.
Being in Obs and Gynae didn't spark neither any great amount of interest nor "hatred" to me ; as has happened to some of my colleagues.
I may not have a strong hold of the subject, but i know I've seen a lot through this posting.

Very often, mothers greet their child with smiles and relief. Couldn't wait to hold them in their arms, while squirming in pain.

Once, a mother gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
There was no smile on her face.
The Dad , when came in , just looked at the genitalia.
The nurse asked, " you wanna see her face?"
He left afterwards.
No question of the mother, nor bout the child.

There was a mother whose child died in utero.
She understood. Her family did not; Blames being put on the Drs, Nurses, the system, etc. Refusing to listen to explanations,wanting the mother to undergo an operation to deliver the fetus, despite the fact that she is undergoing the 2nd stage oflabour. She just did what she told to.

A mother gave birth to a pair of conjoined twins who died in utero at 23 weeks.
She smiled and said " they're cute"

I shouldn't be judgmental.
Yet, i can't do anything to stop my mind from analyzing.

Optimism is so rare, cos we are always so sunk in our desperation and despair.
We need reminders that we have things many others don't.
Reminders that we are not facing difficulties as dreadful as others.
Reminders that are always hidden ; as we put them in the shadow.

To the all the mothers, you made the world looked so small.


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Chagar Hutang - 6 days of wonder

It was the Raya holidays that we were finally able to make some time for stuff other than medical books and how lucky that we planned ahead for it via Meng Hsien(otherwise we wouldn't be able to get a place in it).

Thanks to him, this "very much anticipated event of year" turned out to be one of the most marvelous experience that i ever had. We were so excited about it that some of us were us sort of counting down the day we were gonna board the Fire Flyz ! Well, I'm one of those who did. Lols.

It was definitely breathtaking the moment we stepped on the island. Prof Chan who was still having jet lag when she briefed us in UMT couldn't us, so Adie and Mann has to control these 8 monkey heads. Adie was friendly while Mann was ice-cool; quite an opposite to one another yet worked so well together.

The first night on the beach was really an eye-opener. We witnessed 2 green turtles laying eyes, at the same time. Thus, other than the landing part, we did manage to observe the whole process of egg laying- from body pitting, egg chamber , egg laying and sand bathing etc. And yes, while too obsessed looking and having a feel of it while it was sand bathing, I did not notice and got a minor scratch at the ankle from it's front flippers. Mind you, it is sharp! First time observing a real turtle + laying eggs + being hit by one.

The other great bout being there was that we were allowed to snorkel as much as we wanted to, so long it was before three and after we finished our tasks of course. Thus, being a water loving guy, this opportunity is priceless. To not only observe the nature, we were IN the nature, which was really really great.

Prof Chan joined us 2 days later and the moment she reached there, she got straight to work- saving the turtles. There were 2 injured ones, one of it had its anal sphincter bitten off thus being constipated. The other, to our delight, it was ready to be released into the wild sea. James and Prof manually removed the impacted faeces from the turtle and it did look better after a few procedures.

One of the duties assigned to us were beach patrolling and once, when it was my call to patrol with sock cai, we had the shock of our lives when discovered 3 nests that were attacked by fire ants. So, we were running to and fro, like amok, screaming," ants! ants". It was a wonderful thing to hear when prof said that it was lucky we discovered the 1st nest early cos the attack was still at it's initial stage that a lot were managed to be saved. We had to dig out the eggs and relocate them to a new nest. The last one that i dug with Meng Hsien was the most unbelievable one. There were so many and so deep that we both ended up making a body pit out of it. It was satisfying after the whole process though.

It was not all work and no play. They have arranged special events for us and one funny experience they gave me was the visit to the prawn spa. It was something like those fish spa that you see in the malls where you have your legs nibbled. We were screaming all the time there and i felt that yin's screaming did manage to scare away some prawns from her that finally ended up on my feet. The other time was spent hanging out at the kitchen playing cards and block games with the other workers there, Harry and Gary. They were great guys looked more mature than us but in fact younger than us. Wilson is definitely the joker without himself realizing it. He liked to tease everyone else that every just wanna attack him in the end. Well, Elaine, his gal just kept quiet.

The meals there somehow were great! We did bring some junk food.Adie were in doubt whether we were able to finish so much but we ended up finishing 3/4 of them on the 3rd day itself. Adie gave us a wide grin displaying his white polished teeth and shook his head in disbelief. Ciang Sang was our main chef with his assistants occasionally james, yin and cai , managed to cook up a storm with the raw materials they provided. All of us enjoyed his pancakes so much that we had salty pancakes, sweet pancakes and even banana pancakes. One of the meal that i enjoy the most was the Hari Raya meal. After Mann, Harry and Gary returned from their home, they brought along a huge amount of food, great food. Cai had so many helpings with the ketupat and nasi impit; he beat all the guys. Well done.

Night times were also the time when some marvels happened.Just to mention a few, we released baby turtles into the wild sea, saw shooting stars and celebrated Meng Hsien's birthday with a banana cake spread with chili boh. Looking at the tiny little turtles venturing into the wild sea and the shooting stars was really breathtaking.Erm...not so with seeing hsien eating the cake though..

Beach volleyball has been something i've never tried before and being to play it was so cool as I've no luck with ball games at all. So, other than eating and lazying around, some of the time, after it was less hot, I'll call around others to get in the game. Wilson was good enough to entertain me when no others would.haha. Gary and Harry were great help as well, they tried to teach me how to play at one time. Probably I'm too dumb , i couldn't do it really really well( Or probably it was near dinner time, and i wanted to savor the raya meal, that i gave up,lols)

The other one cool thing that i did was being given the privilege to observe the turtle after it was released. Initially all of us went into the sea and observed it with the harness on. It swam around and around until Prof Chan finally decided that it was time to let her go freely. We went to other area to let her in,and Prof asked who wanna go into the sea and look at it without the harness. Only one person was allowed and I took the chance! Initially it swam deep down and just then around the area. You could feel its cheerfulness upon gaining its freedom.

All in all, it was well spent 6 days and I'm missing it already. I've attached a funny video clip Ciang Sang made,

Saturday, October 18, 2008

" Gone baby gone"

I've been having countless headaches. Self-indulging in endless cookies and chocolate bars hasn't helped a bit.Other than polyphagia, swimming hasn't been really that enjoyable recently too.So, I thought,if there are more symptoms to develop and if they last long enough,to reach 6 weeks, I might need my escitalopram very soon.

Thus, despite there's a class and CPC tomorrow, I've decided to pick a movie to watch. Just relax and to enjoy. Well, it seems I don't have anhedonia after all.


Movies tell stories. Sometimes, they are made out of life events, and sometimes, from these stories, we reflect on how we live the life.
Most of the time, I felt that I learn a lot from movies.
They made me think, show me the other side of the coin.

" Gone Baby Gone" just made into my list of favourite.

Patrick (Casey Affleck) said " I always believed that it was things that you don't choose who made who you are"

Until i hear those lines, I did not realize that it was the same piece of thought that I have had in my mind all these while.Parents, sibling and my home, shaped me ; I believed. Being enrolled in Medical school,was one tenth chosen by me, but in the end , it is them who choose to put me where I am now. Those WERE my belief, before the story ended.

I know I can make a choice, and that the choice I made is the one that make me who I am. I have to choose my path, the road that determines where I wish to go, how a person I wanna be. We will never know how would the road that we chose ends. We might lose something precious either way. Life is no one way round, and choices are to be made. We could just do what we felt right.

"Things could have been better,if.."
Those were the words always said when things doesn't turn out the way we wish it would.
Why not " Great,things could not have been better! Now there's no 'if' "?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Suffering is identification with form

This will be my first post here since i decided to leave friendster as the place to pen my thoughts.

Every foot print left on the path reminds me that there's no definite right or wrong way.

Every joyous moment reminds me of how important it is to cherish every second that ticks away.

Every mishap reminds me of how much the weather could change in a day.

Every uncertainty reminds me of how little I care about the future than today.

Friday, July 18, 2008